I can't watch pbs sober anymore
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
