I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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