I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize