I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
