She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
