She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Are we still banned from the library?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
