I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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