Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
