it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We had to coat check the pizza.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
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