I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
