I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
