How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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