Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
