Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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