Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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