You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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