Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
