He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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