Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
