I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
