she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
