my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
