HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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