I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
So vagazzling was a success
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
