toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
