im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Your cock deserves a montage
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
