She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
