i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
