so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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