arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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