3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
