turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
