Small penises have feelings too.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
