If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
