my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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