Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I have peed in a lot of sinks
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
