So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
