Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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