I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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