pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
