You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
