o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
