Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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