im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
