The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
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