Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
