He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
