If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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