Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
