I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
