Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
