Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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