all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
