I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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