I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
