he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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