i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
