she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
MIDGETS
????
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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