How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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